Today’s common courtesy is lacking. Modesty has become an endangered species. Big Bertha, Obamanique, Elephanette, Butt in the Front, oh dear roommate of mine…why must you sleep in the nude? Can’t you see that it is not a pretty picture? Me walking in to see you sprawled out with everything hanging out? Why must you lounge around in a towel day in and day out? Cover yourself up! I don’t want to see that! This dorm room is only so big. Have mercy on me. Please! Nobody wants to see those rolls. Even if, somehow, you magically lost that extra weight, I still wouldn’t want to see that. I mean what the hell! Why would you even feel compelled to sleep naked when you’re sharing a room with someone? I would even prefer that god awful see-through muumuu that made you look like a sausage. And what is with you wearing super tight clothes anyway? I’m sorry but bulging fat is not sexy. Wear clothes that fit! And who takes twelve showers a day? Half the time you come out smelling like ass. Do you even take soap with you while you’re in there? Those two and a half hours you take in the bathroom practically every morning need to stop. You are not the only one who needs to use it. You are not the center of the universe even though you are big enough to have your own gravitational pull. Okay, Okay! I know that was uncalled for. Maybe I would have more sympathy for you if you would cover feck up! And yes I said feck; F-E-C-K.

Something has been bothering me for quite a while. And that is, what makes a person? What defines a person? Will you always be Ben, that guy? Brian, he has cerebral palsy? Kate, the ADHD crack-whore. Is it ADHD that makes up my personality? Is there someone else hiding underneath? Does ADHD account for my depression or am I depressed because I am anxiety ridden? Are they personality traits or symptoms? Does this make sense at all? I’m talking in circles. I’m talking in riddles.

There have been many times in which I have been tempted to write but at the moment where I open to a fresh page my thoughts escape me. I reach out, trying to grasp a hold of a fluttering inquiry but to no avail…this is pathetic…my attempt to produce poetic musings. Screw it.

I’m trying to understand myself right now but I am failing miserably. This year many things have changed causing me to flounder. My security blanket has been jerked away from me and I have been pushed outside of my comfort zone. Each day is more of a struggle then the last. For too long I have been content with following; clinging onto that familiar group of friends. But now I find myself alone, abandoned. Now I have to lead. I have to make my own path. It’s exhausting. I’ve actually been able to sleep. I’m starting to see in color again. I’m starting to feel alive again. I find myself wondering, “Is this what life is supposed to be like?” I never knew.