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Thursday, 11 November 2010

  • I'm Better

    I realize now it wasn't my fault. He's the one who doesn't know what he wants and doesn't understand his own feelings. Somewhere along the way the one I fell in love with died. Now he's just another immature boy who can't comprehend the love that used to exist between us. But I'm okay now...or I will be. All I can do is move forward

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

  • His Fool

    I don’t want to feel this anymore

    These tears that fall, they fall in silence

    I try so hard to lock it up once again, to barricade the door and to keep it all shut in

    I should have seen this coming; I shouldn’t have been so blind

    And now I’m forced to hide, to avoid all the “I-told-you-so’s” that are waiting outside

    I’m left alone in this silence, with you no longer here

    You tried to tell me lies about how you still will care and how sorry you feel

    But I don’t want to hear it, no, not this time

    I find myself wishing for things to have gone worse

    Maybe then I could hate you and fill myself with anger

    Fill myself with anything other than the hurt

    You’re friends all high-five-you; I was nothing but a joke

    You turn away saying that somehow this is my fault

    I should have done better

    You swear that you love me, but it doesn’t feel that way

    I’m left feeling dirty and used, like something that was thrown away

    It doesn’t seem fair; I’m the only one who’s hurting

    But I should have known better

    I shouldn’t have let myself get so close

    Now I’m left alone with no one else to blame but me

    I’m the fool that gave away her heart to someone who never even cared

Wednesday, 16 September 2009

  • Making friends with shadows on my wall

    There have been many times in which I have been tempted to write but at the moment where I open to a fresh page my thoughts escape me. I reach out, trying to grasp a hold of a fluttering inquiry but to no avail…this is pathetic…my attempt to produce poetic musings. Screw it.

    I’m trying to understand myself right now but I am failing miserably. This year many things have changed causing me to flounder. My security blanket has been jerked away from me and I have been pushed outside of my comfort zone. Each day is more of a struggle then the last. For too long I have been content with following; clinging onto that familiar group of friends. But now I find myself alone, abandoned. Now I have to lead. I have to make my own path. It’s exhausting. I’ve actually been able to sleep. I’m starting to see in color again. I’m starting to feel alive again. I find myself wondering, “Is this what life is supposed to be like?” I never knew.

Thursday, 09 April 2009

  • Cowardice

    Tha past catches up to you, doesn't it? No matter how far you run. She might be coming here to my almost salvaged safe haven. She is going to visit someone. That someone isn't me. I'm not worth it. I wish she wouldn't come. But at the same time I want her to. I could leave campus for the weekend. But that would make me a coward. I can't keep running away. I'm not a weak person so why do I continue to act this way? I'm afraid. Afraid to let anyone come close. Afraid that I will never have such an intimate connection like that again. I'm so afraid that my body reacts to my fear physically. My stomach is constantly sick, I can't sleep, my heart won't slow down. I think I'm going insane.

  • Disentangle

    For too long I have felt this pain. A sharp pang mixed with hollowness. No matter where I go it remains. I want to escape. I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to continue running. How do you soothe a broken heart? I have tried to detach myself from it. Tried to become immune to it. But I can't. It plaques me. Tears me apart. I don't want to be broken. Why am I affected so much by this? Why should it matter? How much is one friendship worth? Can't friends be replaced? It should be simple? Why isn't it simple? People come and they go. Why can't this be accepted? I hate it. I want to hate her. I should get over it. It's a wasted effort; caring for someone who doesn't care at all. But it matters. I don't want it to matter. Why does it matter? I'm tired of hurting.

XxCheshireGrinxX

  • Visit XxCheshireGrinxX's Xanga Site
    • Name: XxCheshireGrinxX
    • Birthday: 1/10/1990
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 9/10/2008

About Me

  • I'm a Dreamer, a Thinker, a Wonderer, a Traveler

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