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Thursday, 24 September 2009

  • Roommate from Hell? Maybe...

    Today’s common courtesy is lacking. Modesty has become an endangered species. Big Bertha, Obamanique, Elephanette, Butt in the Front, oh dear roommate of mine…why must you sleep in the nude? Can’t you see that it is not a pretty picture? Me walking in to see you sprawled out with everything hanging out? Why must you lounge around in a towel day in and day out? Cover yourself up! I don’t want to see that! This dorm room is only so big. Have mercy on me. Please! Nobody wants to see those rolls. Even if, somehow, you magically lost that extra weight, I still wouldn’t want to see that. I mean what the hell! Why would you even feel compelled to sleep naked when you’re sharing a room with someone? I would even prefer that god awful see-through muumuu that made you look like a sausage. And what is with you wearing super tight clothes anyway? I’m sorry but bulging fat is not sexy. Wear clothes that fit! And who takes twelve showers a day? Half the time you come out smelling like ass. Do you even take soap with you while you’re in there? Those two and a half hours you take in the bathroom practically every morning need to stop. You are not the only one who needs to use it. You are not the center of the universe even though you are big enough to have your own gravitational pull. Okay, Okay! I know that was uncalled for. Maybe I would have more sympathy for you if you would cover feck up! And yes I said feck; F-E-C-K.

  • Chromotherapy

    The color is fading again. I’m trying to hold on to it. Desperately. But I’m failing. It seems like I have already lost. I cannot take this banging, buzzing, and droning. All this noise, the whispers, the screaming. Everything has become too loud. The pounding of my head is too much. I’m tired. Constantly tired. Worn-out. Overwhelmed. Why can’t all of you just shut up? I need food but I’m not hungry. I need water but I’m not thirsty. It’s a war. A war is it hand. The push and pull of my mind. I’m trying to scrounge up any motivation I can find. But it’s just not there anymore. I used it all up. I miss it. The brief period of awake-ness. To me it was euphoria. I’ve tasted color only to have it taken away, stolen away, all too fast.

  • What I Learned from Lighting Fires at the Dinner Table

    Something has been bothering me for quite a while. And that is, what makes a person? What defines a person? Will you always be Ben, that guy? Brian, he has cerebral palsy? Kate, the ADHD crack-whore. Is it ADHD that makes up my personality? Is there someone else hiding underneath? Does ADHD account for my depression or am I depressed because I am anxiety ridden? Are they personality traits or symptoms? Does this make sense at all? I’m talking in circles. I’m talking in riddles.

  • A Theory of Justice

    So I am going for a social work degree. Now the main focal point of social work is social justice. That stuck out to me. Try as I might I couldn't’t comprehend it. So I ask during lecture, “What exactly is social justice? Is it obtainable?” The answer is that it is obtainable but I could not get an answer on what it is. No one has a specific answer. There is actually a fear of knowing what it is. Yet social workers strive to achieve it. So (social) justice is not black and white. There is no right or wrong. I do not believe justice encompasses equality. To me everybody getting treated equally, receiving equally—that doesn’t seem probable or rather a favorable practice. Is there room for achievement in equality? Is the terrain reduced to plains? And as for right and wrong—are there terms even correctly defined? Are there not grey areas? Aren’t laws just as flawed as the men who created? Justice…is it really down to what you get, what you deserve?

     

    There are really no answers in this field. Only more questions. Humanity is not a problem to be solved. I can’t just say to a client in therapy, “Here’s your problem. This is how you fix it.” No, you have to allow people to retain their autonomy. It seems like an easy concept but what if it my clients are morons? Do I just go along with it?

Wednesday, 16 September 2009

  • Making friends with shadows on my wall

    There have been many times in which I have been tempted to write but at the moment where I open to a fresh page my thoughts escape me. I reach out, trying to grasp a hold of a fluttering inquiry but to no avail…this is pathetic…my attempt to produce poetic musings. Screw it.

    I’m trying to understand myself right now but I am failing miserably. This year many things have changed causing me to flounder. My security blanket has been jerked away from me and I have been pushed outside of my comfort zone. Each day is more of a struggle then the last. For too long I have been content with following; clinging onto that familiar group of friends. But now I find myself alone, abandoned. Now I have to lead. I have to make my own path. It’s exhausting. I’ve actually been able to sleep. I’m starting to see in color again. I’m starting to feel alive again. I find myself wondering, “Is this what life is supposed to be like?” I never knew.

XxCheshireGrinxX

  • Visit XxCheshireGrinxX's Xanga Site
    • Name: XxCheshireGrinxX
    • Birthday: 1/10/1990
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 9/10/2008

About Me

  • I'm a Dreamer, a Thinker, a Wonderer, a Traveler

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